Sportbucketry

Tomorrow is Derby Day, You Should Make a Mint Julep.

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 16:20:00 -0700

Tomorrow is Derby Day, which means I’ll be waking up at 11 o’clock eastern time to begin the timeless ritual of drinking and pretending to pay attention to a horse race.

Just about any form of drinking will do, of course, but if you’re a classicist, you’ll want a proper Mint Julep.

You may look, but you will find no definitive guide to making a mint julep, because everyone is just talking out of their ass. Nearly every one of the original 13 colonies claims to have invented the Mint Julep, and they’re all wrong about it. People get hysterical about the kind of whiskey you have to use. Whether you should make your mint extract with the whiskey or the syrup. To muddle or not to muddle. Again, these people are all wrong.

The mint julep isn’t about doing it the “right” way, it’s about taking a stand, claiming to be right, and being willing to fight about it. It’s about deluding yourself into thinking that there are sound reasons behind the things that you do. It’s about there being only one way to do something—handed down from the gods during some mythical golden age long ago—and that’s your way. It’s the way you were raised to make a julep, and everyone else is wrong.

So here’s how to do it.

Step One: The Whiskey

For the purpose of observing Derby Day, arguments about which whiskey to use are mostly beside the point. Use something American, preferably a bourbon. I’ll be using Wild Turkey’s 101 bourbon, not because it’s the best or the original, but because it works better in a Julep than anything else I’ve tried.

Step Two: Preparing the whiskey

You’ll want to do this about 24 hours before the event, which means you’re already too late.

So you’ve got your 750mL bottle of Wild Turkey, now split the contents equally between two pint jars.

Stuff a healthy amount of fresh mint into each jar. “Healthy” means that whoever is in the kitchen with you has cause to say, “That much? Are you sure?”

You’re sure.

Now screw lids on the jars, and put them in the freezer. Why the freezer? That’s just what you do.

I think maybe Kentuckians are fascinated that you can put liquor in the freezer and it doesn’t freeze solid. It’s like a little magic trick. Whatever the original purpose, the alcohol seems to extract the mint flavor better in the freezer. Also, it’ll help later on if the whiskey is ice fucking cold when you mix up your juleps.

Step Three: Simple Syrup

Nothing special here. Bring a cup of water to a boil. As it’s heating up, stir in a cup of sugar so it dissolves. Then add a little more sugar, and let it dissolve. Now cool it off. It’ll freeze in the freezer, so put it in the fridge.

I use unrefined sugar, because I’m affluent and over-educated and my office is across the street from one of those fancy organic groceries. You should use whichever sweetener defines you as a person.

A cup of simple syrup should be enough for one 750mL bottle of Wild Turkey, but if you like your drinks a little sweeter, you might make some extra syrup.

Step Four: Assembly

Fill a collins or highball glass with crushed ice. If you had a silver julep cup, you’d use it, but you don’t, so you’re going to use the collins. (Taller rather than squatty. Use a pint glass if you want to look assy.)

Discard the mint from the jars of whiskey. I find it easiest to strain the two pint jars into a quart jar. Keep the whiskey in the freezer.

Now pour in 3 parts whiskey to 1 part syrup. Both the syrup and the whiskey should be extremely cold to avoid melting any of the ice.

Garnish with two tall sprigs of fresh mint. Stir the drink with the mint. You can massage the leaves a little to make them more aromatic, but they’ll do fine on their own.

On Muddling

A lot of recipes have you add mint and sugar to the ice before adding the liquid, and tell you to muddle the mint, sugar, and ice together. This is wrong.

Don’t muddle or crush the mint.

This is a highly contentious point, of course, but the non-muddling crew is right: the point is to have your nose full of mint and your mouth full of sweet, cold bourbon.

Muddlers think that crushing the mint will make the bourbon taste minty. This may be partially true, but it’s missing the point. Mint is best enjoyed with your nose, not your tongue. Muddled mint gets bitter in the glass, and imbues the drink with an unpleasant vegetable taste, which is not what you want at 9 in the morning when you’re losing money on a horse race. You want mint in your nose, bourbon in your mouth, money in your wallet.

Muddlers lack appreciation for nuance. They’re Leno fans, mostly. They think Please Please Me sounds fine in stereo. They go to Macaroni Grill semi-regularly, and they always end up ordering something alfredo. Muddlers are mouth-breathing philistines.

After three or four juleps, when you need a little something to slow the room down, I recommend having a pot of burgoo ready.

I made a thing

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 11:46:00 -0700

Each day, Amazon offers one item at a huge discount. Usually it’s not something you or I would care about, but at least once a month there’s a fantastic deal on something I actually want.

For example, a few months ago I bought all six seasons of The Wire for about $70.

It’s all kind of hidden on Amazon’s site, and the “Gold Box” feed is rather high volume, although there’s only one “Deal” per day. I’ve always wanted an easier way to find today’s deal.

So bookmark this this page, or subscribe to the feed. (And yes, those are affiliate links, so I get a li’l kickback every time you order something.)

(via mrgan) Aw, come on, Neven. Christa’s not that...

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 10:50:55 -0700

(via mrgan)

Aw, come on, Neven. Christa’s not that short.

Snuggie™ For Dogs

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 10:35:46 -0700

Snuggie™ For Dogs:

The blanket with sleeves … for dogs!

Take Back the Beep

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:14:41 -0700

Take Back the Beep:

David Pogue is calling for customers to rise up against the mobile carriers in order to eliminate the superfluous 15-second voicemail instructions that get tacked on to your own recorded instructions.

I don’t really get the point. Sure, it’s annoying, but my carrier (AT&T) already insists that I purchase far more voice minutes than I use, so an extra 15 seconds isn’t costing me any additional money.

The truly shameless money-grab is in text messages. Why should it cost 10¢-20¢ to send a 140-character message? Especially when I already have a data plan that allows me to send unlimited emails?

Apple’s exclusive deal with AT&T can’t end soon enough.

Photo

Wed, 27 May 2009 19:14:59 -0700

A.C. Newman plays A-Ha. See also.

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 16:37:32 -0800

A.C. Newman plays A-Ha. See also.

DeVotchKa doing Hot Burrito #1.

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:16:37 -0800

DeVotchKa doing Hot Burrito #1.

“We are eating pepper and chips.”

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 14:10:57 -0800

“We are eating pepper and chips.”

"According to onlookers, Rudloff took the resulting lull in conversation as an opportunity to shift..."

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:30:00 -0800

“According to onlookers, Rudloff took the resulting lull in conversation as an opportunity to shift his gaze from his wailing progeny and stare into his wife’s opiate-sedated eyes, at which point the two shared the knowing glance that comes only with the realization that your days of selfish solitude, unrestrained drinking, sleeping in until noon, and enjoying any semblance of independence are now forever gone. After taking several deep breaths to maintain his composure, Rudloff came up with another sentiment he thought was expected of him. “This is the greatest day of my life,” Rudloff said in an apparent attempt to convince friends and family of his delight so he could sit down, drink a glass of water, and gather his thoughts. “I’ve never been happier.””

- ‘This Is The Happiest Day Of My Life,’ Lies Man Holding Baby

Radiohead + USC marching band performing at the 2009 Grammys...

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 11:58:03 -0800

Radiohead + USC marching band performing at the 2009 Grammys (Grammies?)

Zach Galifianakis + Will Oldham + Kanye West + Cows + Tractors...

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 18:31:37 -0800

Zach Galifianakis + Will Oldham + Kanye West + Cows + Tractors = ?

Bacon Explosion

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 18:06:00 -0800

Bacon Explosion:

To kick off the construction of this pork medley you’ll need to create a 5×5 bacon weave.

FACT: Nothing bad can result from anything beginning with a “bacon weave.”

Two More Reasons Why I Love the Internet

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 16:33:22 -0800

No Snickering - That Road Sign Means Something Else - NYTimes.com

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 21:37:33 -0800

No Snickering - That Road Sign Means Something Else - NYTimes.com:

I am nine years old.

Metroid - JUSTIN BAILEY

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 16:18:41 -0800

Metroid - JUSTIN BAILEY:

Total fluke. This is blowing my mind.

The Modern Library's 100 Best Novels

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 14:26:04 -0800

The Modern Library's 100 Best Novels:

That’s an awful lot of Ayn Rand and L. Ron Hubbard on the Reader’s List.

Love your dog? Why don’t you wear it?

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 11:23:11 -0800

Love your dog? Why don’t you wear it?

Contemporary Christian Music Discovers Ryan Adams

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 12:51:44 -0800

Contemporary Christian Music Discovers Ryan Adams:

Which suggests that roots rock ceased being culturally relevant somewhere around 2004.

Completely anecdotal, and probably better explained by one of these, but it seems like a...

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 15:03:03 -0800

Completely anecdotal, and probably better explained by one of these, but it seems like a disproportionate amount of support email comes from users outside the US.